Anne is loaning me some blog space to I can get this out in the open
John
so here is how it all rolls out
4:00am - I roll my sorry ass outta bed on three hours sleep to hit the shower, get dressed, grab a cup of coffee and sit with my fave girlie for a couple before my ride shows up to take me to the airport.
I should have known at that point bad, bad things were coming down the pike
I came down the stairs just about 4:30am, fill the coffee pot and try to wake up
Those who know me even tacitly know that I am far from a morning person, the only way anyone should see 4:30am is on the tail side of a night.
And without coffee I am never going to wake up
I pour the coffee, peek out the window and what do I see?
My ride is early
damnit... ok I finish my smoke (don't bust my balls about that) get some quick kisses from Anne and out the door I go
now my driver is chatty as hell and I mention that I didn't get my coffee.. he offers to stop so I can grab a cup as he's got a couple min on the schedule
I start to salivate
but you know, no one in the county of racine is open at 4 damn 30 in the am, especially on the backroad his GPS has us on to make it to the next pickup
fuck
anyways, he gets to the next pickup and off we go...
WAIT.. I see a gas station up ahead YAY
sorry, the driver says, we lost the window of time
BOO
Off we head to his last pickup before the airport
We pull up to some hotel and he goes to get his people
comes back out and tell me and the other guy that he's 5 min early
I say well there is a gas station across the street so I am going to get coffee
Dude looks at me and says you only got 10 min
10 min to cross the street get coffee and get back
yea not a problem
and that was the ONLY thing to go right yesterday
believe it or not
Coffee in hand, and feeling a tad more alive, we get to the airport. I check-in, suck down the elixir of life, and breeze through security
a feat unto itself
so I'm on a 7:00am flight to Detroit
hour layover, and then onto White Plains
yea right
6:30am - boarding call comes over the speakers
6:35am - oops we're having mechanical issues
6:45am - still no boarding
6:55am - nada, nothing sitting on my ass waiting
7:10am - we finally get to board they fixed whatever problem they were having
7:30am - we finally take off
now I'm thinking I'm pretty well fucked on my connector but the flight attendant assures me I'll have 30 min to make it
yea right.. lying bitch
we land at scenic detroit airport
I've got maybe 15 min to make it from concourse A to B which is about a mile away
people are running past me, rushing here rushing there
I decide to call my wife and walk there
and I tell her fuck that I'm not running for no one
good thing I didn't kill myself because when I got to Gate B10 in Detroit to catch Delta Flight 3408 to White Plains airport, what do I see?
in flashing bright red letters?
CANCELED
Well WTF do I do now?
well I get to have a whole ton of fun
YAY
ok quick rundown of the next hour or so
I go to the help type person at the counter
she tells me I have to go to ticketing
ok where is that?
oh all the way over there on the other side of the airport
no problem yet I figure I'm already pretty screwed with all the delays and cancellations going into NY
I get into a line that I swear is longer than the log flume line at 6 flags and wait
and wait
and wait
and just for a change of pace, wait some more
I called Anne and Laura (my ride from White Plains) and my Mom
at this point Mom says... turn around and go home
that's sounding like a good idea
after just under an hour I get to the ticket counter and a very nice lady tells me that I am booked on a flight bound for White Plains on 2/28/10
huh?
but, but, but today is 2/26
WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IN DETROIT FOR 2 DAYS?????????
big, deep breath
ok.. how about this
can I just go home?
she says I have to call this number as she hands me a bright red card
poor marketing Delta.. I'm already pretty red.. maybe it's supposed to be an angry card
so I call the Delta 800 number, get another very nice lady on the phone and she sneaks me onto a 3:20 flight back to Milwaukee
ok pretty cool.. it's noon eastern time at this point I have time for a snack, a nap, and a cup of shitty airport coffee
I get my boarding pass after waiting another 30 min in the log flume line
sneak in another smoke and thru security I go again
another security breeze thru.... maybe, just maybe, it'll be OK
and then it all goes to hell
I booked into a hotel with Orbitz and I thought I would call the hotel and cancel my reservations
Mr Super 8 clerk says you can't cancel it.. it was a web special and no refunds
but Mr Super 8 clerk.. it's a fucking blizzard and my plane was cancelled
oh so very sorry Mr John (yes the dude called me Mr John) I can give you a credit if you want to rebook the rooms now
yea piss off Mr Super 8 clerk
so I call Orbitz and tell the help line there what's going on
the dude was nice enough and put me on hold to call Super 8 in Nyack, NY to get the low down
well after 10 min Orbitz-guy comes back on the line
apologizes and says 5 min please
yea ok
apparently Mr Super 8 clerk was being a complete fucknut
well after 10 more min Ortbitz-guy comes back on the line
apologizes and says 5 min please
yes ok
apparently Mr Super 8 clerk was being a complete douchebag too
well after 10 more min Orbitz-guy comes back on the line
apologizes and says 5 min please
Mr Super 8 clerk pissed him off and he's calling the Super 8 home office
yes ok
15 min this time
Orbitz-guy comes back on the line
apologizes and tells me
This was a web only special and non-refundable
but to hold again for 5 min he's making a plea
yea sure Orbitz-guy
My new friend Mr Orbitz-guy comes back on the line and says that Super 8 home office dude is yet another douche
but he was able to get 2 of my 3 days refunded
best he could do
Thank you Mr Orbitz-guy
Fuck you Mr Super 8 clerk
and Fuck you Mr Super 8 home office dude
at this point I have about an hour till pre-board
so I decide to take a little nap at the gate
I wake up about 3:00 eastern time and check the flight status
instead of 3:20 it says 3:40 now
WTF
The incoming plane was delayed out of Philly and will be late
well fuck me
ok chill not a big deal I just wanna get home now
3:40 comes and goes and at 4:00 it finally lands
4:30 we are allowed to board and at 4:45 the captain comes on the line
the nose gear is stuck
we have to deplane and they have to find another plane for us to use
WHAT?
oh fuck this shit
I wanna get out of Detroit
I wanna go home
fuck you
shit how long is THIS gonna take
oh we don't know.. we are estimating 8:30pm
excuse me 8:30?
well shitfuck
200 angry people trying to book other flights onto the other flights bound for Milwaukee
at this point I'm thinking, I'm just gonna sit here and sleep till morning
screw it
about 30 min later, after all the people who wanted to rebook, well re-booked, the lady at the gate announces that they did indeed find us another plane way on the other side of the concourse
so me and a bunch of other people start heading that way
The departure time is 5:35 eastern time
At 5:24 I text Anne and tell her I am on the plane
and at 5:43 the captain comes on the air and tell us that we have to turn the cells off and get ready for take off
now I'm pretty smoked from being on the road, in the air, and waiting in scenic detroit all damn day so I promptly fall asleep
at 6:45 eastern time I wake up look outside and way WTF
this looks exactly like Detroit
OH MY FUCKING GOD IT IS DETROIT
quick text Anne and tell her we never left the gate
She tells me that the damn delta website says we are currently over Lansing Michigan and heading over the lake
yea well they lie.. lie like a dog
Anne was just about ready to leave the house with Jenna and Tiana to come get me because the Delta Website says we are on time to land
I showed the text to the flight attendant and he says... and I quote... Holy Shit
and he trots his ass up to the captain
I'm mid-bitch when the captain himself shows up and starts talking to the people in my area of the plane
He's just as miffed as we all are... you see it's his birthday and he has 20 people waiting for him in Minnesota
anyways.. apparently when we deplaned they left the luggage on it and they had to go find the plane in the hangar(how the hell does one lose a plane?), off load it then load it onto the plane we were sitting in
as the captain is talking to me Anne drops me a txt telling me that we have officially landed in Milwaukee
funny... it still looks like Detroit to me
The captain assures us as soon as the luggage is loaded on and we are de-iced we'll be under way
The flight attendants ply us with coffee and cookies
Finally the crew show up and starts loading luggage aboard
7:45pm eastern the plane finally takes off.. 2 hours late
apparently it takes two hours to offload and reload a plane
8:06 central time we land in Milwaukee.... 16 hours after this ordeal began
now I've tried to keep this short and gloss over some of the more boring details but let me wrap it up this way.
All I wanted to do was go to NY, see a couple friends, spend some time with my mother and drive my dad's car back for Alexi.
What I got was a run around, a hassle, and headache and the loss of a lot of cash
Delta had offered to rebook my flight to White Plains from Detroit 2 days later, so what I had to do was ask them to book me home instead
so I am out $118.90 for that flight... for the "privilege" of hanging out in Detroit
I am out $60.00 for a hotel room that I didn't use
oh and out $90 for a flight I had to reschedule because the airline policy is no cancellations and wanted to hit me with a $150 rescheduling fee.. but that is another story.
Delta mucked it up big time with flight information, plane changes and passing false information to the general public
Granted most of us on the plane had cell phones, but there was this older couple that had a cell phone but it died on them... if I didn't lend them mine how would anyone know when to pick them up?
I did find out that my cell has about a 14 hour limit on constant texts calls and websurfing
and I was thankful for it
at this point I don't want to fly delta
and I never ever want to go to Detroit again
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