Friday, June 22, 2007

Does this mean War?

So, if you know me, you know about my papercrafting forum A Shade of Blue, and you probably know about the drama that took place there this week. If not, I'll give you the cliff notes... I shut down the hidden Angel's forum there because I was advised that having inside information on my site for a company I was no longer a part of was going to create a serious legal issue for me very soon.

While I was being advised of my impending doom, I was also advised of some talk that had been going on about me, and when I announced that I was removing the Angel's forum, I also took the opportunity to address some of these very hurtful rumors. Needless to say, I pissed a few people off.

Things have been moving along happily on ASB since then, sure we had a momentary lull, and our base of regular posters has gotten a bit smaller, but the forum is established, it's a fun place to be, and has a ton of useful information, so really, nothing outside of global catastrophe is going to bring us down for long.

I thought that was the end of it, and life was getting back to normal... Right? Wrong!

Now I've often alluded to things that happen "Behind the Scenes," (insert ominous music) but I never go into much detail because other than it being a pain in the ass, it's typically no one's business but mine and whoever else is involved. I tend to play my cards pretty close to my chest, and I'm a pretty private person. The one place where I do express myself with very little restriction is here on this blog.

I received a message today though... A comment that someone left for me on this blog, and I decided that I am going to address it publicly, and let people really see what's going on "Behind the Scenes."

This is the post that the comment was left on: So Much Going On. Go ahead and take a moment to read it, at least the top entry where I announce I'm leaving the Angel Company, I'll wait.

Back? Ok, good!
This was the comment I received for approval today in my email...

Subject: [Storm's Cellar] New comment on So much going on....

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "So much going on...":

So you left TAC..Does that mean that TAC has Crappy Stamps and Artist?

The way your post reads that TAC doesn't have any Talented Artist!!

If this is they way you feel I'm glad you're not a part of TAC anymore. Cause we don't need people like you.

Also you Left your partner already? You must not know what you want to.

I hope life treat's you better than you treat other's.

Nice huh? Now I'm sure this Anonymous person (wow, your mom must not have liked you, even John Doe got a better name) didn't expect me to publish it to my blog. Wow are they in for a shock the next time they drop by. The simple fact is, I'm putting it up for everyone to see because I have nothing to hide. I've done nothing to be ashamed of, where as this Anonymous person has... otherwise they would have left a better calling card.

So... since my reputation seems to be in question, still, let me address these accusations, again, one by one...

1. "So you left TAC..Does that mean that TAC has Crappy Stamps and Artist? The way your post reads that TAC doesn't have any Talented Artist!!"

Um... Did I miss something? In my post I specifically said that I'm "Sad because I hate to leave TAC behind, they're a great company and my time with them has been wonderful."

Or perhaps you are referring to my comment that "I'll be working with some really talented stamp artists?" Now if I'm understanding this correctly, because I called a different artist talented, that means that TAC's artists must be crappy? So by your logic when a mother calls one of her children beautiful she is therefore implying that her other children are horrible disfigured trolls? Right?

Or perhaps you have some repressed issues with TAC that you should seek therapy for.

2. "If this is they way you feel I'm glad you're not a part of TAC anymore. Cause we don't need people like you."

And I'm sure that if Mischelle ever reads this she'll be thinking that I'm not the only one they could do without.

3. "Also you Left your partner already? You must not know what you want to."

Yup, the rumors are true, I did. I haven't really said why, except to say that I couldn't give what Kat and the company deserved at this time because of personal issues. I guess I need to lay it on the table and spell out what those issues are.

For those of you who read my blog for more than cannon fodder, you know that I've struggled with anxiety, and have been being treated for intense anxiety issues for the last year. Part of my anxiety is how people perceive me, I like to put on a good face (that's also why I'm a doormat), and so I'm really, really good at hiding these problems until it all blows up on me.

Unfortunately, the timing of Rubber Inspirations was all wrong for me. Dealing with Tiana's medical problems in combination with the stress of a start-up business was way too much for me. I literally started to fall apart, I could no longer take phone calls, or even read emails because each additional stress was making me crack. If you were paying attention you might have noticed that I even nearly disappeared from ASB for about 2 months, only checking in if I was needed. During this time I suffered from phantom pains (various pains through my body with no underlying medical cause, muscle aches, chest pains, abdominal pains, etc.), and could barely take care of myself let alone my kids. Patti and Jenn will back me up on this, both were very concerned about me, and let me know it.

John and several other people that love me very much had an informal intervention and let me know that I was riding a dangerous line. I had to do something for my sake, and for the sake of my kids. So I stopped all of the things that I could that were causing me stress and anxiety. I ended all of my design contracts, and turned RI over to Kat.

I didn't leave Kat high and dry, at least I tried not to, I left her with an established web store, and gave her all of the files that I worked so tirelessly on, so that she could continue easily without me. RI is a great business, and Kat is a wonderful and capable lady. She's going to do just fine without me, even better probably. I never meant to hurt her, and I hope that she knows and understands that.

So is that enough? Can you say that in my shoes you would do anything else? Perhaps you'd like for me to talk more about my daughters multiple surgeries, how they tried to delay her rod lengthening for 3 additional months which would have left her with a spine that was curved more than it was when she had the initial surgery. Can I tell you about her coming home in tears because of her classmates making fun of her brace, and how hard that was to deal with in the midst of the phone ringing non-stop for RI? At what point have I justified my actions to you, and why should I even have to? The people who count, the people who care know what's going on in my life, why should I have to explain myself to some Anonymous person who thinks they know it all?

4. "I hope life treat's you better than you treat other's."

I tell you what, there are plenty of things I've done in my life that I'm not proud of, but the things you accuse me of aren't among them. I can also honestly tell you that I've never left trashy comments Anonymously on someones blog. So Perhaps you might go look in the mirror the next time you feel the need say that.

I treat all of my users on ASB with a high level of respect and compassion, in some cases way beyond the point that they deserve it, and it takes a lot to make me do otherwise. It's a shame that a small group of users ruined things for everyone, but make no mistake, I was not among that group of people. I have a sneaky suspicion that you were though.

If I'm correct, and that's the case, then you have plenty to be ashamed of. If I'm wrong, well then perhaps you can leave your name when you comment this time and prove it instead of hiding in the shadows behind sharp words and indignation.

Anyway... This is the kind of thing that I've been talking about when I say "Behind the Scenes." Full grown adults acting like children. I get blamed when the users can't play nice and I have to take their forum away. My name's on the bill so it therefore becomes my fault.

Perhaps I am to blame though... Their father and I tried so hard to raise them up as civilized stampers... I just don't know where we went wrong...