Dear Pop,

 

This weekend has been so hard.  I never really imagined that your passing would affect me this much.  I knew I’d be sad to lose you, but it’s not like I had the opportunity to see you very often, to be as close to you as I’d have liked…

Even so, I find myself feeling like I’ve lost someone very dear.  Part of it is sadness for what John has lost, you were his best friend you know, but most of it is my own grief.  I guess I loved you more than I knew.

You had a way of doing that to people though, didn’t you?  I think I would be hard pressed to find someone you knew, who didn’t call you friend.  You just had a way about you that made people feel special for knowing you.  Everyone is saying “he was like a father to me,” or a brother.  No one just calls you friend, because you were never just a friend; you were so much more to so many people.

I remember the first time I met you.  John took me to one of his pool games so we could meet before word got out that he had a strange woman visiting him.  I was so nervous, but John told me that you were great, and that we’d love each other.  I wasn’t so easily convinced…  What a mess that whole situation was.  John had just broken off his engagement, I was barely separated from my ex, and had two kids I was bringing into his life.  You would not have been out of line if you’d told me to get my ass back on a plane, go back to the backwater tundra I came from, and stay the hell away from your son.  Instead you hugged me, you flirted with me in that incorrigible way you have that is so charming, you made me feel pretty, and special, and comfortable.  During a time in my life when everyone was making accusations and demands, you just accepted me into your family with no questions asked.  I loved you immediately.

You told me years later that you could tell by the look on John’s face that night that I was something special, and that was all you needed to know.  I just wanted to let you know Pop, that your instinct was right.  I might not be the greatest catch on the planet, but I love your son with every ounce of my being, and I’ll be here for him until the day I die.  You don’t ever have to worry about him, I promise I’ll take care of him for you.

Thanks, by the way, for that son of yours.  You brought him up to be an incredible man.  He’s so much like you, his personality and more importantly his values.  He puts the kids and I before everything in his life, and takes care of us just like you took care of him.  Sometimes, when he does things that are so incredibly selfless it makes everyone stop and stare, he’ll simply say “It’s what my Dad would do.”  You were a great role model for him, and I thank you for that. 

Speaking of taking care of family, you know your job’s not done, right?  The way I see it, your grandkids now have a personal angel taking care of things on the other side for them.  Tiana goes in for surgery in a week, and I expect you to be there making sure everything goes smooth.  I won’t get to see you like I had originally planned, and Jenna is sure going to miss having you here to take care of her while Mom and Dad are at the hospital with Boo, but if the trade off is having you watch over my baby while she’s sleeping…  Well, I guess I can deal with that.  In fact, it’s about the only thing in this whole crappy situation that seems even remotely OK.  I trust you to take care of my little girl no matter what happens, and for the first time in a long time I’m not scared.  I know she has you looking out for her, and that you love her as much as I do.  What more could I ask for?

Even knowing that, I still miss you already Pop.  I miss that you’re not looking at the proofs for Alexi’s senior pics right now.  I miss the visits that we won’t get to have, the graduations and weddings we won’t be able to share.  I miss a future with you, that I just assumed would be there.

Still, I am eternally grateful for every second I had to spend with you.  For your influence on my life, and the lives of the people I love the most.  Thank you for the precious time you shared with us.  I would not trade those special memories to be free of the sadness I feel today.

I love you Pop, and I only hope that you received as much as you gave to the world.

You will always be remembered.